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道道212（大雪山観光道路）
取材日 ： 2005-08-07
道央（北海道） 上川町 ダート ： 14.7ｋｍ 通行状況 ： 行止
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- 道道212（大雪山観光道路）
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- 道道212（大雪山観光道路） Ver.1 2005/08/07
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道道212（大雪山観光道路）
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道道212（大雪山観光道路）取材日 ： 2005-08-07 道央（北海道） 上川町 ダート ： 14.7ｋｍ 通行状況 ： 行止
道道212（大雪山観光道路）のブックマーク [？] 改行は反映されません |
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One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK then it must be you.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Men are not disturbed by things but the view they take of things.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
The concept is interesting and well-formed but in order to earn better than a 'C' the idea must be feasible.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
In any contest between power and patience bet on patience.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
I've always wanted to be somebody but I should have been more specific.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now thanks to the Internet we know this is not true.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers and nobody thinks of complaining.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
And God said 'Let there be light' and there was light but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should therefore be regarded as a criminal offense.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way you will command the attention of the world.
Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Don't stay in bed unless you can make money in bed.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
Fill what's empty empty what's full and scratch where it itches.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often and for the same reason.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Of all the enemies to public liberty war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out but that is not the reason we are doing it
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
If people can judge me on the company I keep they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd Nor Hell a fury like a woman scorn'd.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
Only one man ever understood me and he didn't understand me.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Blessed is the man who having nothing to say abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
My last cow just died so I won't need your bull anymore.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
As the post said 'Only God can make a tree' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs all bugs are shallow.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
If people can judge me on the company I keep they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb but doesn't have an air force.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
The artist is nothing without the gift but the gift is nothing without work.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Don't sweat the petty things just pet the sweaty things.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
If you are going through hell keep going.
Once you've written TBicycle you never forget how.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble finding it everywhere diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
For if he like a madman lived At least he like a wise one died.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery having passed through a very expensive machine is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Pray v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Despite the high cost of living it remains popular.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out but that is not the reason we are doing it
The concept is interesting and well-formed but in order to earn better than a 'C' the idea must be feasible.
In all large corporations there is a pervasive fear that someone somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Reality is merely an illusion albeit a very persistent one.
Java the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
We don't like their sound and guitar music is on the way out.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
Who are you going to believe me or your own eyes?
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
If it wasn't for lawyers we wouldn't need them.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
I invented the term Object-Oriented and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
We totally deny the allegations and we are trying to identify the allegators.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
The Stones I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred Barney...
Perfection is achieved not when there is nothing more to add but when there is nothing left to take away.
If you think it's simple then you have misunderstood the problem.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
The Stones I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred Barney...
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
Friends may come and go but enemies accumulate.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
Who are you going to believe me or your own eyes?
Anyone who starts a sentence 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
We should leave our minds open but not so open that our brains fall out.
Not everything that can be counted counts and not everything that counts can be counted.
The cry has been that when war is declared all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
In America anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers and nobody thinks of complaining.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
The company doesn't tell me what to say and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
It's strange isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane and everyone joins in.
Pardon him Theodotus; he is a barbarian and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs all bugs are shallow.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
I don't believe in the after life although I am bringing a change of underwear.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell where it is much more comfortable.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it than to be sane and have one's doubts.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
The company doesn't tell me what to say and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
If people are good only because they fear punishment and hope for reward then we are a sorry lot indeed.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
So I was getting into my car and this bloke says to me
True. When your hammer is C++ everything begins to look like a thumb.
To err is human but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
It is better to be feared than loved if you cannot be both.
Genius may have its limitations but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Police arrested two kids yesterday one was drinking battery acid the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery having passed through a very expensive machine is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Genius may have its limitations but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb but doesn't have an air force.
Everything has been figured out except how to live.
Hi there what's up you guys???
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy wealthy and dead.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Copy from one it's plagiarism; copy from two it's research.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end it would be an improvement.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
Hi there what's up you guys???
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs all bugs are shallow.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Ah well then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Honolulu it's got everything. Sand for the children sun for the wife and sharks for the wife's mother.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds and the pessimist fears this is true.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
If you are going through hell keep going.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
First they ignore you then they laugh at you then they fight you then you win.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes but doesn't.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
If there is no God who pops up the next Kleenex?
War is not the continuation of politics with different means it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
In America anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
Real life is that big high-res high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
A single death is a tragedy a million deaths is a statistic.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
If Al Gore invented the Internet I invented spell check.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Don't sweat the petty things just pet the sweaty things.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Don't knock masturbation it's sex with someone I love .
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye that charms to destroy...
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I never forget a face but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often and for the same reason.
Behind every successful man is a woman behind her is his wife.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not you'll become a philosopher.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that lacking zero they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants and the other is getting it.
All are lunatics but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
If it wasn't for lawyers we wouldn't need them.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Pardon him Theodotus; he is a barbarian and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Copy from one it's plagiarism; copy from two it's research.
Forgive your enemies but never forget their names.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe and it has a longer shelf life.
Death does not concern us because as long as we exist death is not here. And when it does come we no longer exist.
Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
When did I realize I was God? Well I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Reality is merely an illusion albeit a very persistent one.
If Stupidity got us into this mess then why can't it get us out?
I never forget a face but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
For if he like a madman lived At least he like a wise one died.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that lacking zero they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Wise men make proverbs but fools repeat them.
All are lunatics but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Police arrested two kids yesterday one was drinking battery acid the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
We totally deny the allegations and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Richard Nixon is a no good lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time and if he ever caught himself telling the truth he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Perfection is achieved not when there is nothing more to add but when there is nothing left to take away.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder but when you do it blows away your whole leg.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather on his deathbed sold me this watch.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Wise men make proverbs but fools repeat them.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light' and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Argue for your limitations and sure enough they're yours.
For centuries theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Of all the enemies to public liberty war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings and I hate people like that.
I'd stop eating chocolate but I'm no quitter.
Wise men make proverbs but fools repeat them.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Machine. Unexpectedly I'd invented a time
UNIX is basically a simple operating system but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
War doesn't make boys men it makes men dead.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Not only is there no God but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
In America anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me she said 'no'.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed most experts agree is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Forgive your enemies but never forget their names.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like during their lives.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
When did I realize I was God? Well I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
When the rich think about the poor they have poor ideas.
Jesus may love you but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
My opinions might have changed but not the fact that I am right.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Outside of a dog a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Not only is there no God but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
I don't know why we are here but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Under conditions of competition standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Deliver yesterday code today think tomorrow.
Death does not concern us because as long as we exist death is not here. And when it does come we no longer exist.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
Despite the high cost of living it remains popular.
If people are good only because they fear punishment and hope for reward then we are a sorry lot indeed.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Friends may come and go but enemies accumulate.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles come and join this campaign.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
We should leave our minds open but not so open that our brains fall out.
Under conditions of competition standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Blessed is the man who having nothing to say abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't then I'd be a teacher.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell where it is much more comfortable.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
Whether you think that you can or that you can't you are usually right.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
And God said 'Let there be light' and there was light but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Some men in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries have committed the most enormous cruelties.
So I rang up a local building firm I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
So I rang up a local building firm I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
In any contest between power and patience bet on patience.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is of course in a state of sin.
Once you've written TBicycle you never forget how.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Now now my good man this is no time for making enemies.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Make everything as simple as possible but not simpler.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should therefore be regarded as a criminal offense.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
Any man who is under 30 and is not a liberal has not heart; and any man who is over 30 and is not a conservative has no brains.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe and it has a longer shelf life.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
God gave men both a penis and a brain but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
The artist is nothing without the gift but the gift is nothing without work.
In any contest between power and patience bet on patience.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Men are not disturbed by things but the view they take of things.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell where it is much more comfortable.
Basically I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
If Stupidity got us into this mess then why can't it get us out?
God gave men both a penis and a brain but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men making their wars that boys must die.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
If there is no Hell a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
My occupation now I suppose is jail inmate.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Every journalist has a novel in him which is an excellent place for it.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy wealthy and dead.
Once you eliminate the impossible whatever remains no matter how improbable must be the truth.
Copy from one it's plagiarism; copy from two it's research.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants rather than to create it herself.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot but anyone going faster is a maniac?
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Once you've written TBicycle you never forget how.
If people can judge me on the company I keep they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
All are lunatics but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
The worst crimes were dared by a few willed by more and tolerated by all.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands hoist the black flag and begin slitting throats.
In the End we will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends.
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy wealthy and dead.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings and I hate people like that.
Money is better than poverty if only for financial reasons.
I must confess I was born at a very early age.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way you will command the attention of the world.
The company doesn't tell me what to say and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid but most stupid people are conservatives
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going because you might not get there.
Once you eliminate the impossible whatever remains no matter how improbable must be the truth.
Behind every successful man is a woman behind her is his wife.
Physics is not a religion. If it were we'd have a much easier time raising money.
In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over He would have put diamonds on the floor.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one never an honorable one on the part of the instigator of the war.
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't then I'd be a teacher.
Argue for your limitations and sure enough they're yours.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Only one man ever understood me and he didn't understand me.
First they ignore you then they laugh at you then they fight you then you win.
Everything has been figured out except how to live.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
Physics is not a religion. If it were we'd have a much easier time raising money.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Make everything as simple as possible but not simpler.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
Dying is a very dull dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
True. When your hammer is C++ everything begins to look like a thumb.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
A hen is only an eggs way of making another egg.
I must confess I was born at a very early age.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Behind every successful man is a woman behind her is his wife.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly while bad people will find a way around the laws.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
The cry has been that when war is declared all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Glory is fleeting but obscurity is forever.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100 get a million miles per gallon and explode once a year killing everyone inside.
Don't knock masturbation it's sex with someone I love .
Police arrested two kids yesterday one was drinking battery acid the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there I go to work.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over He would have put diamonds on the floor.
So I rang up a local building firm I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
I must confess I was born at a very early age.
Everything is drive-through. In California they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
My opinions might have changed but not the fact that I am right.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants rather than to create it herself.
Any man who is under 30 and is not a liberal has not heart; and any man who is over 30 and is not a conservative has no brains.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not you'll become a philosopher.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way you will command the attention of the world.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
If it wasn't for C we'd be writing programs in BASI PASAL and OBOL.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers and nobody thinks of complaining.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Testing proves the presence not the absence of bugs.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
So I was getting into my car and this bloke says to me
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
When choosing between two evils I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
In all large corporations there is a pervasive fear that someone somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.
Don't stay in bed unless you can make money in bed.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
For centuries theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going because you might not get there.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like during their lives.
A single death is a tragedy a million deaths is a statistic.
So I rang up a local building firm I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather on his deathbed sold me this watch.
If you think it's simple then you have misunderstood the problem.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
If you gaze long into an abyss the abyss will gaze back into you.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed most experts agree is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
Reality is merely an illusion albeit a very persistent one.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work those that break down and those that get lost.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
In all large corporations there is a pervasive fear that someone somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
I've had a wonderful time but this wasn't it.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
I must confess I was born at a very early age.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that lacking zero they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Despite the high cost of living it remains popular.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Any man who is under 30 and is not a liberal has not heart; and any man who is over 30 and is not a conservative has no brains.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington D.C. is close to California.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
A pint of sweat saves a gallon of blood.
The worst crimes were dared by a few willed by more and tolerated by all.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers and nobody thinks of complaining.
I don't know why we are here but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight it's the size of the fight in the dog.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Don't knock masturbation it's sex with someone I love .
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
First you forget names then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally you forget to pull it down.
Outside of a dog a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
If women didn't exist all the money in the world would have no meaning.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
Only one man ever understood me and he didn't understand me.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Any fool can criticize condemn and complain - and most fools do.
Now now my good man this is no time for making enemies.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet you'd best teach it to dance.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out but that is not the reason we are doing it
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Not everything that can be counted counts and not everything that counts can be counted.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Despite the high cost of living it remains popular.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men making their wars that boys must die.
Any fool can criticize condemn and complain - and most fools do.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
Basically I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
Police arrested two kids yesterday one was drinking battery acid the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice there is.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder but when you do it blows away your whole leg.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
In science one tries to tell people in such a way as to be understood by everyone something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry it's the exact opposite.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
The artist is nothing without the gift but the gift is nothing without work.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
The pen is mightier than the sword and considerably easier to write with.
They have computers and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Instead I was a painter and became Picasso.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
When did I realize I was God? Well I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
I don't know why we are here but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
If you need more than five lines to prove something then you are on the wrong track
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Once you've written TBicycle you never forget how.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't then I'd be a teacher.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished if the solution is not beautiful I know it is wrong.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK then it must be you.
Our children are not born to hate they are raised to hate.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should therefore be regarded as a criminal offense.
When I am dead I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
My occupation now I suppose is jail inmate.
When I am dead I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it than to be sane and have one's doubts.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
Perfection is achieved not when there is nothing more to add but when there is nothing left to take away.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like during their lives.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
Biologically speaking if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
Our children are not born to hate they are raised to hate.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Despite the high cost of living it remains popular.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
In any contest between power and patience bet on patience.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed most experts agree is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Not only is there no God but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
Pray v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often and for the same reason.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
A pint of sweat saves a gallon of blood.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
The concept is interesting and well-formed but in order to earn better than a 'C' the idea must be feasible.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Sometimes the best answer is a more interesting question
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that lacking zero they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
Once you've written TBicycle you never forget how.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble finding it everywhere diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder but when you do it blows away your whole leg.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now thanks to the Internet we know this is not true.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over He would have put diamonds on the floor.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
I never forget a face but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe and it has a longer shelf life.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100 get a million miles per gallon and explode once a year killing everyone inside.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact she reminds me more of you than you do!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
I'd stop eating chocolate but I'm no quitter.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy wealthy and dead.
First they ignore you then they laugh at you then they fight you then you win.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Always go to other people's funerals otherwise they won't come to yours.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
If everything seems under control you're just not going fast enough.
Pardon him Theodotus; he is a barbarian and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
My last cow just died so I won't need your bull anymore.
Death does not concern us because as long as we exist death is not here. And when it does come we no longer exist.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers and nobody thinks of complaining.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
Not everything that can be counted counts and not everything that counts can be counted.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands hoist the black flag and begin slitting throats.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
When did I realize I was God? Well I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
When ideas fail words come in very handy.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it than to be sane and have one's doubts.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste and the only limitations those of libel.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
My last cow just died so I won't need your bull anymore.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel but a comedy to those who think.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
So I rang up a local building firm I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Once you've written TBicycle you never forget how.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Give me chastity and continence but not yet.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions at eighteen all the answers.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
If you gaze long into an abyss the abyss will gaze back into you.
Reality is that which when you stop believing in it doesn't go away.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
Men are not disturbed by things but the view they take of things.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there I go to work.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
The concept is interesting and well-formed but in order to earn better than a 'C' the idea must be feasible.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
We totally deny the allegations and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate the last two are certainly much less frequent.
When I am dead I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Because I do it with one small ship I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington D.C. is close to California.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished if the solution is not beautiful I know it is wrong.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it we would be so simple we couldn't.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
When the rich think about the poor they have poor ideas.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
In America anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
The truth is more important than the facts.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
If women didn't exist all the money in the world would have no meaning.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch you must first create the universe.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
Anyone who starts a sentence 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
The most important job is not to be Governor or First Lady in my case.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
We should leave our minds open but not so open that our brains fall out.
War doesn't make boys men it makes men dead.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles come and join this campaign.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
If you think it's simple then you have misunderstood the problem.
Honolulu it's got everything. Sand for the children sun for the wife and sharks for the wife's mother.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
We totally deny the allegations and we are trying to identify the allegators.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
Yes I'm fat but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Before the war is ended the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody come sit next to me.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
When the rich think about the poor they have poor ideas.
If we knew what it was we were doing it would not be called research would it?
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
ASCII stupid question get a stupid ANSI
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
As the post said 'Only God can make a tree' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Emulate your heros but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it if you could get a match was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe and it has a longer shelf life.
Pray v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I've always wanted to be somebody but I should have been more specific.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
If you were plowing a field which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Pray v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
The cry has been that when war is declared all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
If you give a man a fish he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
The worst crimes were dared by a few willed by more and tolerated by all.
If Stupidity got us into this mess then why can't it get us out?
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Our children are not born to hate they are raised to hate.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles come and join this campaign.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Everything is drive-through. In California they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad although you can be sure that everyone will.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't then I'd be a teacher.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
If everything seems under control you're just not going fast enough.
A coward is a hero with a wife kids and a mortgage.
In science one tries to tell people in such a way as to be understood by everyone something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry it's the exact opposite.
Computer dating is fine if you're a computer.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
If you were plowing a field which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
Every journalist has a novel in him which is an excellent place for it.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
God gave men both a penis and a brain but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
War doesn't make boys men it makes men dead.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
If Stupidity got us into this mess then why can't it get us out?
ASCII stupid question get a stupid ANSI !
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Java the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
I do not consider it an insult but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
There are people in the world so hungry that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that lacking zero they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense reason and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Not only is there no God but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Humor is the great thing the saving thing. The minute it crops up all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
I must confess I was born at a very early age.
All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.
I've had a wonderful time but this wasn't it.
Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
Anyone who starts a sentence 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions at eighteen all the answers.
When choosing between two evils I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
I agree with the reforms but I want nothing to change
As the post said 'Only God can make a tree' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Behind every successful man is a woman behind her is his wife.
Despite the high cost of living it remains popular.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
If you give a man a fish he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending then having the two as close together as possible.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
If it wasn't for lawyers we wouldn't need them.
A single death is a tragedy a million deaths is a statistic.
Some editors are failed writers but so are most writers.
In America anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say when he goes home tonight may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Reality is that which when you stop believing in it doesn't go away.
Once you eliminate the impossible whatever remains no matter how improbable must be the truth.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense reason and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like during their lives.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong will -- at the worst possible moment.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
I don't believe in the after life although I am bringing a change of underwear.
If it wasn't for lawyers we wouldn't need them.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Not even computers will replace committees because committees buy computers.
Because I do it with one small ship I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
The worst crimes were dared by a few willed by more and tolerated by all.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid but most stupid people are conservatives
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
I don't know why we are here but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Yes I'm fat but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington D.C. is close to California.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
A pint of sweat saves a gallon of blood.
Not even computers will replace committees because committees buy computers.
If Al Gore invented the Internet I invented spell check.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Friends may come and go but enemies accumulate.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Throughout American history the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
We don't like their sound and guitar music is on the way out.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there I go to work.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it if you could get a match was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
My last cow just died so I won't need your bull anymore.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste and the only limitations those of libel.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather on his deathbed sold me this watch.
If you think it's simple then you have misunderstood the problem.
I agree with the reforms but I want nothing to change
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Sometimes the best answer is a more interesting question
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch you must first create the universe.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
The concept is interesting and well-formed but in order to earn better than a 'C' the idea must be feasible.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
We all agree that your theory is crazy but is it crazy enough?
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Glory is fleeting but obscurity is forever.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers and nobody thinks of complaining.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
The Stones I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred Barney...
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong will -- at the worst possible moment.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd Nor Hell a fury like a woman scorn'd.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
Men have become the tools of their tools.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way you will command the attention of the world.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Copy from one it's plagiarism; copy from two it's research.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed most experts agree is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
I have spoken many a word therefore it is fact.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
I must confess I was born at a very early age.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Your Highness I have no need of this hypothesis.
If people can judge me on the company I keep they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
I invented the term Object-Oriented and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet you'd best teach it to dance.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe and it has a longer shelf life.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
I am not young enough to know everything.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Whether you think that you can or that you can't you are usually right.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Pardon him Theodotus; he is a barbarian and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
Instead I was a painter and became Picasso.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
True. When your hammer is C++ everything begins to look like a thumb.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
In any contest between power and patience bet on patience.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
The Stones I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred Barney...
Everything secret degenerates even the administration of justice.
First they ignore you then they laugh at you then they fight you then you win.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Reality is that which when you stop believing in it doesn't go away.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems except the things in the world that just don't add up.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that lacking zero they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work those that break down and those that get lost.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.
Emulate your heros but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
I've always wanted to be somebody but I should have been more specific.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
I am not young enough to know everything.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK then it must be you.
All I need to make a comedy is a park a policeman and a pretty girl.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Men are not disturbed by things but the view they take of things.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste and the only limitations those of libel.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
In the End we will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
In America anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd Nor Hell a fury like a woman scorn'd.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe and it has a longer shelf life.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense reason and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Perfection is achieved not when there is nothing more to add but when there is nothing left to take away.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
If you were plowing a field which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Who are you going to believe me or your own eyes?
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
If we knew what it was we were doing it would not be called research would it?
And God said 'Let there be light' and there was light but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
I invented the term Object-Oriented and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Perfection is achieved not when there is nothing more to add but when there is nothing left to take away.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Now now my good man this is no time for making enemies.
For if he like a madman lived At least he like a wise one died.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
Heaven is an American salary a Chinese cook an English house and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary an English cook a Japanese house and an American wife.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
If a man does his best what else is there?
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
We should leave our minds open but not so open that our brains fall out.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy wealthy and dead.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
If I were two-faced would I be wearing this one?
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
Any man who is under 30 and is not a liberal has not heart; and any man who is over 30 and is not a conservative has no brains.
If you are going through hell keep going.
I have often regretted my speech never my silence.
If there is no Hell a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five it's fantastic.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one never an honorable one on the part of the instigator of the war.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it we would be so simple we couldn't.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one never an honorable one on the part of the instigator of the war.
If you can count your money you don't have a billion dollars.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Throughout American history the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
I never forget a face but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Machine. Unexpectedly I'd invented a time
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
If it wasn't for lawyers we wouldn't need them.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say when he goes home tonight may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad although you can be sure that everyone will.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy wealthy and dead.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
Smith & Wesson
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me 'This is going to take more than one night.'
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out but that is not the reason we are doing it
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
That is the saving grace of humor if you fail no one is laughing at you.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
We should leave our minds open but not so open that our brains fall out.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder but when you do it blows away your whole leg.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Once you eliminate the impossible whatever remains no matter how improbable must be the truth.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
If women didn't exist all the money in the world would have no meaning.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
I am not young enough to know everything.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes but doesn't.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
Pardon him Theodotus; he is a barbarian and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain no pain.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight it's the size of the fight in the dog.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it than to be sane and have one's doubts.
Everything is drive-through. In California they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
My occupation now I suppose is jail inmate.
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say when he goes home tonight may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way you will command the attention of the world.
My last cow just died so I won't need your bull anymore.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad although you can be sure that everyone will.
If you can count your money you don't have a billion dollars.
If you need more than five lines to prove something then you are on the wrong track
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
If you believe in telekinesis raise my hand.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
If everything seems under control you're just not going fast enough.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
Outside of a dog a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present only longer.
I find that the harder I work the more luck I seem to have.
Throughout American history the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
That is the saving grace of humor if you fail no one is laughing at you.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
The concept is interesting and well-formed but in order to earn better than a 'C' the idea must be feasible.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
Make everything as simple as possible but not simpler.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers and nobody thinks of complaining.
In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now thanks to the Internet we know this is not true.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Instead I was a painter and became Picasso.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like during their lives.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
A coward is a hero with a wife kids and a mortgage.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Always go to other people's funerals otherwise they won't come to yours.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is of course in a state of sin.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
In any contest between power and patience bet on patience.
I have spoken many a word therefore it is fact.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Why don't you write books people can read?
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed most experts agree is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
In the End we will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Give me chastity and continence but not yet.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
If Stupidity got us into this mess then why can't it get us out?
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants and the other is getting it.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100 get a million miles per gallon and explode once a year killing everyone inside.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going because you might not get there.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Anyone who starts a sentence 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
Only two things are infinite the universe and human stupidity and I'm not sure about the former.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
The concept is interesting and well-formed but in order to earn better than a 'C' the idea must be feasible.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers and nobody thinks of complaining.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
I never forget a face but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Under conditions of competition standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings and I hate people like that.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs all bugs are shallow.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood which can carry venoms poisons and other toxins around your body.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Fill what's empty empty what's full and scratch where it itches.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
If we knew what it was we were doing it would not be called research would it?
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Go on get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
If there is no God who pops up the next Kleenex?
For if he like a madman lived At least he like a wise one died.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
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I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
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Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
My last cow just died so I won't need your bull anymore.
Dying is a very dull dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
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The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
In any contest between power and patience bet on patience.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
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The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
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Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
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Because I do it with one small ship I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
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The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
Once you eliminate the impossible whatever remains no matter how improbable must be the truth.
When you hear hoofbeats think of horses not zebras.
Of all the enemies to public liberty war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
Once you've written TBicycle you never forget how.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end it would be an improvement.
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A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now thanks to the Internet we know this is not true.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings and I hate people like that.
Don't sweat the petty things just pet the sweaty things.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain no pain.
Everything has been figured out except how to live.
Money is better than poverty if only for financial reasons.
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The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
Any fool can criticize condemn and complain - and most fools do.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
I find that the harder I work the more luck I seem to have.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows no Gates Apache in house.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
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I don't believe in the after life although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Humor is the only test of gravity and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Not everything that can be counted counts and not everything that counts can be counted.
Make everything as simple as possible but not simpler.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Glory is fleeting but obscurity is forever.
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People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
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I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present only longer.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes but doesn't.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
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Physics is not a religion. If it were we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
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Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
I've had a wonderful time but this wasn't it.
We don't make mistakes we just have happy little accidents.
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Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington D.C. is close to California.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
My last cow just died so I won't need your bull anymore.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
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Whether you think that you can or that you can't you are usually right.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly while bad people will find a way around the laws.
All are lunatics but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms I wouldn't get any exercise at all.